George Rebane

This is actually a little nudge toward economic recovery during hard times (Hat tip to Cass Sunstein, Obama’s Nudge Czar).  This weekend Jo Ann and I are celebrating the evening we first met fifty years ago as sorority/fraternity pledges at UCLA.  What happened there and afterwards is another story, but yesterday we decided to go to town and check out Nevada City’s ‘Sidewalk Sale’.  I think she had it all planned, because pretty soon we wound up in one of our fine jewelry stores on Broad Street.

As she started inspecting all the great looking inventory, most of it made right there by the owner/jeweler, my mind wandered quickly – my body followed.  Soon I had gawked at ‘everything’ in the store, and was studying the wall hangings for the third time, and then looked at my watch, and then I thought about just dragging her out of the store.  I was bored.

Now, heads-up merchants know this little scenario, and have provided a cost-effective remedy that will keep the wayward husband from screwing up the likelihood of a sale.  They put in a comfortable armchair or two, and some even have within reach a few appropriate magazines – oh, you know, past issues of ‘Guns and Grenades’, ‘Popular Mechanics’, ‘Broads and Boobs’ (aka Victoria’s Secret catalog or its moral equivalent), … .  And before you know it, she comes back with ‘How does this look on me?’ or better, ‘Honey, look what I bought.’

Our Nevada City jeweler was not yet apprised of this little merchandizing method, but since my sweetie was having such a great time with the array of baubles laid out on the counter, I put in an extra effort and discovered a chair behind the fortress of counters, no doubt reserved for the jeweler himself.  Without so much as a ‘by your leave’, I walked into that inner sanctum and made myself comfortable.  The jeweler saw me do this and was visibly relieved.  To me that meant only one thing, he was closing in for the kill and could see that I had taken myself out of the game.  I would be in no position to run interference to what would definitely turn out to make his day or, possibly, his week.  And then,  ‘Honey, look what I bought.’

So here’s the economic development summary.  By my rigorous survey (hah!), only about one out of ten merchants understand ‘Husband Chair Merchandizing’ – these being mostly in women’s clothing shops/departments.  Further noodling indicates that a husband chair would increase revenues anywhere in the 5% to 15% range.  Now for a little back-of-the-envelope scribbling.

The US Census Bureau reports that our annual retail sales are north of $4 trillion.  Say that half of these come from establishments that can benefit from husband chair merchandizing.  Then 0.5*0.9*$4T*0.05 = $90,000,000,000 for the low, and $270,000,000,000 for the high in increased revenues – all for just putting in a lousy chair or two so that commerce is not compromised by a crotchety mate.  And that ain’t chopped liver.  (The astute reader will know that the 0.9 accounts for the 10% already implementing this slick merchandizing technique.)

Oh yes, such chairs are also useful in outlets for car parts, tools, building materials, guns & grenades, … .  Although I am not qualified to specify the reading materials, I’m certain that an equivalent set of periodicals would obtain for the distaff side (that’s ‘women’ for the younger reader).  To cover all bases, the merchant should also make sure that the store is a web-enabled hot spot since now we all have our smart mobile devices.  Then cash registers would never stop ringing 😉

Re the picture – I got carried away fantasizing about the penultimate husband chair; a more modest model would serve as well.