George Rebane

Jeff Pelline, the editor of our beloved Onion and self-anointed paragon of our community’s virtues, has recently riddled the comments of several local blogs with references to the celebrated Four Way Test of Rotary International.  A careful perusal of these entries reveals that Jeff believes himself to be an exemplar of the test, passing it with flying colors.  However, the objects of his directed remediations are seen to fall not only short of the specified ideals, but to actually cross the boundary of hypocrisy.  Serious allegations indeed.

To the reader not acquainted with the Four Way Test, it is revealed below.  Satisfying its tenets is a goal of all interactions and relationships entered into by Rotarians.

Of the things we think, say or do
1. Is it the TRUTH?
2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

We Rotarians remind ourselves of this test by repeating it during the formal part of our meetings.  And try as we each may in our daily dealings, each of us admittedly falls short in their fulfillment.  We all know it and depend on the more encompassing grace of God to pardon these shortcomings within the greater purview of the mandates specified for us in the Good Book.

Recently, upon reflection, I discovered that the famous Nobelist Kenneth Arrow has absolved us from the second and fourth tenets of the Four Way Test.  He was awarded the coveted prize for showing that it was indeed impossible to always supply satisfactory benefices when more than two parties are engaged in such egalitarian pursuits.  A wider acquaintance of this result would profitably inform larger populations such as our own electorate.  However, our politicians, abetted by the state’s teaching monopoly and the, perhaps unwitting, cooperation of the Fourth Estate, would have none of it.  And therefore, to this day, we are taught the error that in the public square it is possible to come up with policies (laws, regulations, ordnances, …) which can deliver justice, fairness, and the essential benefits to all in equal measure.  But I digress.

In light of the above, Mr. Pelline presents himself, firmly embedded in the Onion, as the well-meaning county conscience, which upon closer inspection, shows him still about half a bubble off plumb.